Written by : Jabran Ali
As soon as he saw me, he said, “Is this you, like Gautam Buddha, all the time, you are silent, maybe you are insane?” Anger hung over his face and bitterness in his tongue. She always addressed me by that name. Instead of saying anything, I would keep quiet and watch my silence and move on. One day I woke up and said, “I am not a Gautam Buddha, you too are crazy about what I call Gautam Buddha … Where am I and Gautam Buddha? Who turned the forests, deserts and deserts to save the world from misery, and dried up the bones, and where I had no opportunity of my own. He looked at me with sharp cut eyes and said, “You If Gautam is not a Buddha then the spirit of Gautam Buddha has been solved in you. She would ask me to climb it and I would really climb.
Surrounded by lush mountains was the campus of the university, which had a beautiful, fast pace of life. Hussein and smiling faces were pervading every way.
There were tables and chairs in front of the canteen adjacent to the campus. There were groups of two, two or four on each side. Someone was drinking tea and someone was washing their hands on the sandwich. I was sitting alone. When a group of boys and girls sitting at the table teased him, he was very proud, proud and self-sufficient. Then, hearing the words against him, he was curious to see. When I first saw it, it looked like it was really out of reach of everyone who was absorbent, it was as refreshing as the fresh flowers on the face. He had a strange strain on his lips as he smiled all the time. The little sassy sesame mole that was on her lip. This dark mole made me sleep many nights. He always shone in my dreams by becoming a moon.
She encountered me several times while on campus, she used to shake her eyes and pass, but later she told me that she had seen me well in one glance. My ever-present depression had attracted her to me. ۔ She says you have uniqueness in comparison to the rest.
Even when I was here she would come to me looking for me and would start talking as soon as she came, not even mentioning being quiet. As if someone had turned on the tape record. She told me everything in her house. She would explain everything that happened in the house. Then from the neighborhood of the neighborhood to the alphabet. I kept quiet and listened to him. My attitude was paranoid, ignorant and indecisive. I could relate to him as if I had nothing to do with him, his existence would be meaningless to me. The more serious and abstract I was, the more playful it was, the ravenous, the teasing, the laughter and the hobbies. Its playful ambivalence made it appear in every moment. When I did not go to university the next day, when I entered university, the next day, I would ask, “Why was it a holiday?” Professors would not even ask for a vacation as hard as they would ask. You think? “Then she would have thought she had no answer to that. My question would have made her totally unwell.
One day at the university, I was sitting on the bench. She sat up to me and said “Gautam! Ask you one thing? “I said” Ask Yes “and” Did anyone love you? “I wondered” You are a strange girl too, people ask Do you love someone and You ask if someone loves you? With a smile on his face he says “No please tell me?” Now what do I know of someone’s heart? Who has been loved by me and who says “looking at me” Let’s say, if you love you, will you know? “I said softly before answering” Maybe not. “I said yes, maybe not.” Then she was disappointed, I knew she loved me and was looking for me. She didn’t know why at this time. I was not particularly interested. She ran as far as I could to get closer to her. She wanted me to talk to her about the future, but the whispers confused me that “not everything shines is gold”. What benefit is there to find something so beautiful that even after being nurtured, it fears losing. At that time I had my own compulsions.
Whenever she came to me, I feared she would never express her love. This sword would always hang on my head while on campus. I couldn’t admit it and if I refuse, the poor person’s heart will be broken. Actually I wanted to break his soft wiggle heart.
The last days of our class were running on campus, a week later we were finishing up. Survival was rampant on all campuses. It was almost mid-winter. For several days the sun had not shown its face to the earth. Everything was covered in fog all day. Trees kept dripping from their leaves all day long. She was almost as depressed as last week’s weather. He would come to me and sit down, but he would not talk like he used to. With just a half talk, the earth revolves around empty eyes. Spread the anxieties and the eyes twinkle as the heart is squeezed open. Then came the day that was our last on campus. The students were busy with student groups all day. I was sitting alone in a corner. She came to me shortly before departing from campus.
I looked at him, his pale eyes moistened as if a sadness had dissipated in them. Before she speaks, I ask, “Are you crying?” She lifts her eyes and cleanses her eyes “No … He just had something in his eye. ” Eyes cleansed and said “Maybe we will never meet now”. “Yes,” I probably didn’t say that much to keep his heart alive if he was alive. Says he had bought something for you. Before asking me to pull out the purse and say “Look at this …” – he had a lighter in his hand. Does not leave I asked, “Why do you stop me from smoking cigarettes and then give you a lighter?” Then you will not smoke, only me or you will. ”
“How do you know I’ll miss you or not?” He started getting serious and said: “You know, Gautam! The person with whom he has a good time cannot forget it quickly. ”
I smiled at his point. After a while, with artificial smiles on his face, he said, “Goodbye to Gautam Buddha” and walked away.
Many years after that, she found me nowhere. Now I had thousands of things to do with her, but she did not. The past began to corrupt my heart. The thought of it was like a black snake wandering around in horror at all times. Now I was always fighting with my nerves to get closer to him. I’ve always remembered it. Whenever I walked into the market, I saw every face wrapped in a veil, maybe even one of them had a face, a miracle, and it would appear to me. Isolation had increased manifold. There was horror, desolation, cruelties and old memories of life. I remember him sitting for hours in the dark breeze in the dark nights of autumn. With that, the wonderful moments began to be remembered one by one. Now I really became like Gautam Buddha, not conscious of eating anything and not drinking. I wished I could raise my head on my way to his village, even though I was passing in front of my house. That would make it overcrowded.
I searched every street for the streets, the bazaars, the streets, the gardens, nothing came of my disappointment. I thought she was happy to call me Gautama Buddha. Let’s now become Gautam Buddha and turn to deserts, perhaps my unconscious soul will be satisfied and it will be fulfilled.
On a cold gray evening deserted road, I saw a building with a wall on which I leaned. Who was looking away from the world with empty, quiet eyes. Her body was no longer as lukewarm as before. Then it is time to leave her mark on the stone, she was a delicate girl again. Dark circles around his eyes were revealing his gestures, and those sarcastic eyes that seemed ever so happy. Today, like a boat trapped in a rooftop, he is shaking in the eyes of many dreams and dreams of the future that I made criss-crossed. Seeing this condition shocked my heart.
I figured she would still call me by the same name as she used to call many years ago on campus, but how she used to call herself was now Gautam Buddha.